


you can check out any time you like

by cosmicocean



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, M/M, there's no mutual amnesia tag but guys... mutual amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 13:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 15,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20995208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: The man’s eyes widen. “Hang on.” He drops the shoe and tries to scramble over the lobby desk. He’s only technically successful, flailing onto the floor.“Whoa, dude, are you-“ He does that disconcerting popping up thing again, this time right in his face. He steps back a little. “Whoa, dude-““Hang on.”“You already said-““You said you don’t know if you like being scruffy or not.” He tilts his head. “Are you trying to tell me that you don’t know who you are either?”Dirk and Todd, with no memory in a hotel that goes on forever.





	1. one

When he wakes, the first thing he knows is that his head aches, and the floor is uncomfortable, and that he is lying on it.

The next is that he knows nothing.

Slowly, he sits up and looks around. The hallway he is in is large, the walls the sort of color that straddles the line between gold and tan, lined with rooms with little numbers. Fancy light fixtures dot the ceiling, what looks like almost tiny little chandeliers hanging down the corridor. Hospital? No. Very nice. Hotel. He looks down at the red carpet. There’s no name or logo or anything on it, just gold diamonds interlocking over and over and over and over again.

Does he have a name? He’d think that he must.

He stands up and looks up at the ceiling, squinting at the light fixture until he realizes there’s no point staring directly into a light and blinding himself. He returns his gaze to straight down the hallway, blinking away spots.

“Hello?” he calls. No answer. “Is anyone there?” His own voice echoes back at him. He looks down at his hands. There’s calluses on his fingers. He wishes he could remember his name.

He starts walking down the corridor for lack of anything else to do. He’d try the rooms, but he doesn’t think he has a key. Eventually, the hallway branches into another few corridors, so he takes one at random.

He doesn’t know how long he wanders for. It feels like a while. Eventually he reaches a hall much nicer than the ones he’s been exploring, which leads into an even larger, even nicer hall.

It’s a lobby, he thinks. The columns that line the hall are very similar in color to the corridor walls, only much closer to gold. Thick but slender half cylinders of metal descend down the columns, two thick gold stripes winding down around the half cylinders. The floors gleam. He couldn’t name the stone that they’re made of, but the caramel colored ground beneath his feet does not appear to be tiled, one long smooth floor with polished autumn red lines cordoning off little rectangles. The rectangles are filled with mosaic little tiles, in the same ruby and gold pattern as on the carpeting. He looks up at the ceiling. The same color scheme as the floor, only the red tiles have the golden diamonds imprinted on them, and run in one spiral per rectangle. Large chandeliers glow a soft lightbulb yellow. He takes all of this in because there is nothing else in him to hold onto.

Planters dot the great hall, great glass rectangles full of large bundles of pink lilies near dainty little tables and chairs, only a little shorter than he is. He approaches the flowers and brushes them against his fingertips. They look very real, but they definitely feel fake. They don’t smell like lilies, either. He knows what lilies smell like. Somehow. He wishes he knew his name.

There’s a sound behind him. It’s the first sound he’s heard in… the whole time he’s been here. Like hasty footsteps and maybe a rustling. He whips around but sees nothing, just a lobby desk in rich red wood patterned with the golden diamonds, the ledge of the desk painted with gold. He thinks it’s shaking slightly. He glances over at the small table closest to him. There’s nothing to arm himself with. He looks down at the floor. Nothing there, either. Just his sneakers. Black shot with gray. He kneels down and pulls one of them off and then slowly makes his way over to the lobby desk.

He hesitates then pokes at the desk. It squeaks forwards slightly. Something that sounds like a someone squeaks right after it and pops up from behind the desk, wielding a lily. He screams. The someone screams. They both scream at each other for a second. He throws the sneaker in his hand.

“_Ow!_” The other guy hurls the lily at him. He yelps as some of the flower ends up caught in his mouth. He hurls the flower on the ground and looks around for another weapon. He doesn’t see anything and he turns back to see the other guy holding his sneaker in a way he probably thinks is threatening, face triumphant.

“A_ha!_” He waggles the sneaker. “You threw me your only fighty thing!”

He scowls. “Yeah, well, who attacks a guy with a _lily?_”

The triumphant expression fades to something defensive. “The planter looked too heavy to lift!”

“That’s a fair reaction!”

“I thought so, too!”

“Well, I’m glad we’re in agreement!”

“Well, me too!”

They glare at each other for another moment. He gets a grasp on the man before him, an impression finally settling in. Auburn hair, neatly cut, looking like it may have once been parted, now a little messy from probably all the throwing things. Face handsome, he thinks, probably attractive and relatively pleasant when he’s not glowering almost sullenly, cheeks flushed slightly in indignation, clear blue eyes suspicious. Powder blue polo shirt. Hard to tell if it’s short sleeved or not, due to the black corduroy jacket thrown over it. Black pants.

“Did you trap me here?” He finally snaps.

“No!” The man points the sneaker at him. “Did _you_ trap me here?”

“Do I _look_ like someone who could trap anyone here?”

This gives the man pause. “No.” He lowers the shoe a little. “You look a bit… scruffy.” He glances around the huge lobby. “And this place is very… nice. It doesn’t add up.”

He narrows his eyes. “That’s rude.”

“I’m just trying to be as accurate as possible.”

“Maybe I _like_ being scruffy! You don’t know!”

“Well, _do_ you?”

“I don’t know! But I might! And even if I don’t, it doesn’t seem very cool to say it!”

The man’s eyes widen. “Hang on.” He drops the shoe and tries to scramble over the lobby desk. He’s only technically successful, flailing onto the floor.

“Whoa, dude, are you-“ He does that disconcerting popping up thing again, this time right in his face. He steps back a little. “_Whoa,_ dude-“

“Hang on.”

“You already said-“

“You said you don’t know if you like being scruffy or not.” He tilts his head. “Are you trying to tell me that you don’t know who you are either?”

“I. I think I was trying to give you shit, actual-“ He stops as the other man’s words catch up with him. “Wait, you don’t… you don’t know who you are, either?”

“I don’t, no, I just… woke up here.” The man reaches out and pokes at his forehead. He scowls and slaps at the finger and the man lowers it. “That’s so _interesting._”

“Yeah, it was the same for me. You’re the only person I’ve met here so far, have you met anyone else?”

“Not a soul.”

They stare at each other. The man is close enough that he has to go slightly cross eyed to look at him.

“_Oh!_” The man shouts, loud enough that he stumbles back a bit.

“_Ow._”

“_Wallets!_ We might have wallets!”

“That’s… actually not a bad idea.”

The man sniffs as he starts patting down his pants. “The surprised tone feels unnecessary.”

“Yeah, well, so did your judgment of my general… scruffiness.” He finds the wallet in his jacket pocket. He didn’t know he was wearing a jacket. It looks like the same as the man’s. He’s wearing a shirt like the man’s but white. He opens up the wallet. It’s pretty simple and sparse, but there is a driver’s license. He yanks it out.

The man who looks back at him from the photo does… look a little scruffy. He hasn’t shaved for a couple days. He has slightly messy short brown hair and he finds himself reaching up with the hand not holding the license to run through it. It still feels short. Doesn’t feel brown, but he doesn’t think he could _actually_ feel brown. Blue eyes that look carefully wide, like they’re wide so they’re not squinting. He’s not smiling, expression slightly cranky. He flicks his eyes to the name.

“Todd Brotzman,” he reads aloud. It doesn’t sound familiar. Doesn’t feel familiar coming off his tongue.

“Makes sense.” The other’s man’s found his wallet and is rifling through it. “You look like a Todd.”

“What does a Todd look like?”

“I don’t know. You’re the only one I’ve met. I think. Maybe.”

He, _Todd,_ returns his eyes to his license photo. “It looks like a mug shot.”

“All license photos look like mug shots.”

“How do you know that if you don’t remember who you are?”

“I don’t know. How did _you_ remember what a lily was?”

It’s… a good question. He just knew. He has knowledge in his head and he has no idea of how he obtained it. “…yeah, okay. Does _your_ license photo look like a mug shot?”

“I don’t seem to have a license.”

“That’s weird. Is that weird? That’s probably weird.”

“Maybe you’re my valet.” Todd opens his mouth to object, but the man makes a triumphant noise. “Oh, _oh!_ Business card!” He procures it and squints at it. “_Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency._ That must be me! Now _that’s_ a name. Very…” He holds up his hands like he’s framing something. “_Dynamic._”

“How do you know it’s you and not some guy who gave you his business card?”

“Well, this entire pocket in the wallet is full of them, so there’s about six, and they’re all circled with ‘that’s me!’ on them in ballpoint.” Todd thinks about saying that maybe some really enthusiastic guy cornered him, but the man taps it thoughtfully. “_Dirk Gently._ I don’t know if that feels right or not, but I _do_ know that I approve. Very solid name. Definitely me. Is there anything else in your wallet?”

Todd returns his attention to the small, worn brown wallet in his hands. There’s not a whole lot in there. There’s a slightly frayed white paper corner sticking out of one of the pockets so he tugs it out.

“…huh.”

“What?”

He peers at the business card. _Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency_ is emblazoned on the paper in script that looks fancy and professional, pleasantly silver and slightly shimmery letters looping across the card. Underneath it in a smaller size _cases solved with arguable efficiency_ glints slightly. “It’s one of your cards. I guess… I knew you?”

“Maybe you’re one of my clients. Is anything else in there?”

“Ummmm…” Todd pulls out a punch card for a sandwich shop (six punched, four to go), a credit card, and two dollars. “Nope. I don’t think I could afford you, you seem like you’d be pretty expensive.”

“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.”

“Well, is there anything else in your wallet?”

Dirk starts pulling out considerably more things from his wallet. A punch card for the same sandwich shop, a chocolate foil wrapper of some kind with _BEES????_ written on the back in pencil, a couple condoms (which makes Dirk flush and quickly shove them in his pocket without looking at Todd), a tiny, clumsily cut paper snowflake, and a page out of a play that Todd doesn’t recognize when he squints at it, but he supposes he wouldn’t.

“Jesus,” Todd mutters as Dirk stows all his stuff back in his wallet. “I bet you’re a hoarder.”

Dirk sniffs. “I bet I have use for _all_ of these things.” He puts his wallet back in his pocket and looks around the lobby. “So you really don’t remember why we’re here either?”

“Nope. It’s like...” he struggles for the way to put it. “Like I know stuff, but I don’t know _how_ I know stufff, y’know? Like I have the information but not the experience that I must’ve needed to learn it.”

“That’s rather eloquently put. Perhaps your scruffiness was misleading.”

Todd scowls. “I know enough to know I’ll hit you if you keep on that.”

Dirk scoffs. “What, with a shoe?” Todd punches him on the shoulder. “_Ow._”

“Like that.”

“You’re extremely rude and I dislike it.”

“You’re one to talk about rudeness.”

“Hmph.“ Dirk looks around. “Do you want to explore this place with me?”

Todd sighs. “Yeah, sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A year ago I had insomnia and I came up with the whole pitch for this fic in a sleepless stupor, sent the whole thing in a flurry of messages to klaudiart on tumblr, wrote the first chapter or two, and then promptly worked on it very, very sporadically over the next year. Then two or three weeks ago I remembered it existed and polished it off and here we are.
> 
> So this one is gonna be a little different than my standard fics. The first handful of chapters are going to set up the story, and then from here on out for a while the chapters are gonna be a little more like vignettes. Some of these chapters are also wicked, WICKED short. I'm talking less than 300 words short. When they're that short, I'm gonna try and post two at once so it's at least a little more traditional in word count. I'm a little anxious about posting this one because it's a little more experimental, and also because I'm less sure of the back half, but I'm going for it anyway!
> 
> Many thanks to [Hells](https://dont-offend-the-bees.tumblr.com/) and [Klaudia](https://klaudiart.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, who both got massive infodumps on this fic from me about a year apart. An extra thanks to Hells for betaing, and a thank you for Klaudia, who heard me worrying about the title being unnecessarily stupid and kindly reminded me that fic is supposed to be fun.
> 
> [Here is the Pinterest board where I stored my image references for this fic](https://www.pinterest.com/cosmicoceanfic/you-can-check-out-any-time-you-like-but-you-can-ne/)
> 
> [You can find me on tumblr here!](https://cosmicoceanfic.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Finally, can y'all tell that I love Waiting for Godot or what?


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is exploration of the surroundings.

Dirk’s running a hand against the walls. His fingertips aren’t tracing any particular pattern, just slowly dragging them along as they walk. Todd isn’t, just walking along the floor, hands in his pockets. They’re out of the lobby now, and the hallways have looked the same, one after the other. 

“It’s an awful lot of gold,“ he says. 

“Yeah. Whoever designed this place must be pretty into it.” 

“Do you think anyone designed it?” Dirk moves his hand from the wall and slowly turns in a circle as they walk. “Do you think it’s even real?” 

Todd shrugs. “I mean, even if it’s not real, someone had to have made it, right? Like, it had to have been _someone’s_ idea.” 

“Hm. Maybe.” Dirk sticks his own hands in his pockets. “Do you think it was designed for us?” 

“I dunno.” Todd scratches the back of his head. “I guess it’s a nice enough place, but it’s not really, like... I dunno. It doesn’t totally appeal to me, I guess. What about you? Is this your kind of style?” 

“I’m not sure. I mean, for one thing, I don’t really know what my style is.” Todd nods, giving him that- it was a pretty silly way to phrase it, all things considered. “But no, I don’t think it’s perhaps... particularly my idea of an ideal place to stay. It is certainly _very_ nice, and I do seem to like yellow, but it’s all a bit... eerie, don’t you think?” 

“You might just think it’s eerie because we’re the only ones here.” 

“True.” Dirk taps his nose thoughtfully. “I have the feeling you tend to lean towards reason.” 

“I thought I was the scruffy one.” 

“Occasionally, rationale and unkemptness can go hand in hand.” Dirk looks around. “So obviously, it would be safe to assume that we have not always been here, even if we can’t remember it. I mean, I would think that we have been placed here.” 

Todd nods. “Yeah, seems logical.” 

“And neither of us really seem to know where _here_ is, but we can agree that it is not where _there_ is, and _there_ is where we come from, as opposed to _here_.” 

It’s a pretty nonsensical statement, but Todd gets the gist. “Probably.” 

“So now that begs the question.” 

“...okay?” 

“Have we been placed here for our own protection, or do you think we’ve been placed here to keep us out of the way?” 

Todd shrugs again. “I mean, you’re a detective, right? And maybe me too, I guess.” That hadn’t occurred to him as a possibility for the card being in his wallet, but it’s definitely a chance, he supposes.

“Correct. Well, perhaps _not_ correct, but being a detective sounds, I don’t know, spiffy, so it does sound like the sort of thing I would enjoy, yes.” 

“So maybe we came here doing detective stuff and we got... conked on the head, or something, and now we don’t know anything.” 

Dirk sniffs. “I’m not sure to say that we don’t know _anything_ is correct, I feel like I certainly know _some_ things, but yes, that could be true.” He stops abruptly and wheels around to face Todd. Todd’s already walked past him by the time he does so, having not caught up with the sudden stoppage, so he wheels again so he can properly face Todd this time, who has now also stopped. “Hang on. Did you try the doors in the lobby?” 

“No. I got distracted by, well, y’know.” 

“Yes, ineffectually throwing a shoe at me.” 

Todd narrows his eyes. “Well, did _you_ try the doors there, smartass?“ 

“Well, no, I didn’t, but I’m sure I would have.” Dirk looks around. “How do you think we get back to the lobby? I haven’t seen any guides on the wall or any handy brochures or anything.” 

“I dunno. Hey, have you seen any stairs?” 

“...come to think of it, no, I haven’t.” Dirk points at him, saying it at the same time as Todd does. “One floor.” 

“It seems pretty big for one floor.” Todd sighs. “I dunno. We could try a corridor? See if it takes us back?” 

Dirk nods and takes a left. The left takes them to the nice hall Todd had wandered into earlier, which leads them right into the lobby. 

“Hm. That’s very...” 

“Convenient,” Dirk finishes. “Agreed.” 

Todd looks around until he sees what he’s been looking for, pointing to the opposite end of the lobby. “Doors.” 

He and Dirk jog up to them, throw them open, and step through them... right back into the lobby. Todd frowns. 

“Did we-“ 

“Yeah.” Dirk turns to Todd. “You stay here.” Dirk heads back for the doors and walks through them. He vanishes, and for a second Todd is gripped both by hope and concern until he gets a tap on his shoulder from behind. 

“_Jesus!_” He jumps a foot in the air and turns around, ready to fight. Dirk quickly backs up, hands in the air. 

“Sorry! Sorry. But I just came through those doors back there.” 

“So it’s like, I dunno. An infinite loop?” 

“Maybe. The whole thing being an infinite loop certainly explains, you know. One floor.” 

Todd sits on the floor of the lobby, leaning against the wall. Dirk sits next to him and does the same. 

“Do you think we’ll get hungry?” Todd asks. 

“I dunno.” Dirk rests his head against the wall. “Do you think we’ll get tired?” 

“I dunno.” Todd looks at his hands. “Do you think we’re real?” 

“I think so. I _feel_ real, after a fashion.” Dirk folds his arms. “Do you have this feeling of... something missing?” 

“What, like our memories?” 

“No, something else. Something that’s sort of... in your chest. Like there’s something that’s usually there, a. I don’t know. An awareness. And it’s not really missing, it’s... muted. Like you’ve left something behind but not really. There’s some part of you somewhere else. Almost like a phantom limb.” 

Todd considers. “No. I don’t feel that.” 

“Hm.” Dirk draws his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on the top of them. “All right, then.”


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where a new room is found.

“So, I have a development,” Dirk announces. 

Todd looks over at him. It’s the first either of them have spoken in a while. Mostly they’ve just been sitting here in silence, staring off into nothing. “Okay?” 

“I am, in fact, hungry.” 

He thinks it over. He hadn’t really taken stock of it up to that point, but his stomach’s making it known now. “Yeah, me too.” 

“What do you suppose happens when we get hungry?” 

“I dunno. Maybe we’re hungry forever.” 

“Seems like it’d be a pain.” 

“Yeah.” Todd looks at Dirk, whose expression is thoughtful. “Wanna go see if we can find some food?” 

“Yes. Lead on, Todd.” 

It doesn’t take long. They take a hallway, and then suddenly they’re in a new room. 

“Wow,” Dirk whispers in awe. 

Todd eyes it suspiciously. “Seems like overkill.” 

The room is massive. Far too massive for the two of them, although admittedly that seems to be a theme. There’s at the very least fifty tables, all surrounded by eight chairs each. The walls are painted with that same gold color, giant ornate chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. There are no windows here, either, but it still gives off the impression of being well lit nonetheless. The floors have that same pattern from the lobby, and there’s little bottles of baby’s breath resting on the immaculate white tablecloths. At one end of the room, there is a bar, cylindrical lights hanging from the ceiling and backlit glasses and bottles of various beverages that look expensive. 

“Do you think other people will join us? Maybe that’s why there’s so many?” 

Todd touches the tablecloth of one of the tables. It feels real. Very fine. Very nice. “I... I don’t know. I don’t think so. I think... I think it just looks like what a fancy hotel dining room is supposed to look like.” 

“Oh.” Todd picks up on the disappointment in Dirk’s voice, and realizes he was looking for reassurance. He feels like an asshole, but before he can say anything, Dirk speaks again. “Well, clearly there is a space for the food. How do you think we go about... attaining the food?” 

“Um. Maybe we ask the plates?” 

“...ask the plates?” 

Todd shrugs in a way that feels both helpless and defensive. “Hey, man, I don’t know anymore that you do, I’m just spitballing here.” 

“That’s a gross expression.“ Dirk turns in a little circle. “Oh!” He taps at Todd’s shoulder and points. At the opposite end from where the bar is there’s a buffet staffed with... a lot of food. Todd’s stomach growls. He hadn’t realized how hungry he actually was until this moment. 

They sit at a table together. Dirk idly looks around at the room every once in a while. Todd just concentrates on eating. 

“So, I like cheese.” Dirk looks thoughtful. “But I loathe pineapple. What about you?” 

“Burritos are good.” Todd looks around the room. It’s way too opulent for him, he decides. This whole place is already too opulent for him, but the dining room is not helping. “Not big into grapes.” 

“Hm. I like grapes. Interesting.” 

“Why is that interesting?” 

“Because we don’t like the same things. So we’re definitely two different people.” 

He blinks. “…was that not an option?” 

He sniffs. “It might have been.” 

“What do you think we do with the plates?” 

Dirk scrutinizes them. “We could… leave them here?” 

“Do you think that’ll…” He trails off. “I don’t even know what that would do.” 

“Look, we can come back later, and see what happens.” 

That’s true. “I still feel… kinda bad. Like we should be cleaning up after ourselves.” 

“So you’re probably not an asshole.” 

“_Probably?_” 

“Well, who’s to say?" 

Todd narrows his eyes. “You _don’t_ want to clean up after yourself, so it’s probably _you_ who’s the asshole out of the two of us.” 

He sniffs. “I’m probably the _rational_ one.” 

“I thought _I_ was the rational one.”

“I’ve changed my mind, thank you very much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do feel that it’s very in character for Dirk and Todd to stumble across something nice like the dining room and for Dirk’s reaction to be “hey, good thing!” and for Todd to be like “nope, don’t trust that”.


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where bedrooms are found, and cryptic messages are heard.

“I’m tired. Do you think it’s weird that I’m tired?” 

They’re sitting in the lobby, back up against the wall. They’re out of other ideas about what to do. Todd shrugs. 

“I dunno. I don’t think we were technically asleep before. Probably. I guess it depends on how you think of it.” 

“Hmm.” Dirk drums his hand on his leg. “I mean, we haven’t really done anything, either.” 

“I dunno.” Todd tilts his head back against the wall. “I dunno what’s weird anymore. Or if I ever knew what was weird.” 

“Do you think there’s a place to sleep? We passed doors, didn’t we?” Dirk looks down at his hands in his lap. “Probably lead to some weird kind of void or some such unpleasantness.” 

“A gold and red void, probably.” 

Dirk snorts, looking off to the side with a grin. It’s the first time Todd’s seen him smile, he’s pretty sure. It’s a nice smile. “It’s certainly a very particular color scheme, isn’t it?” 

“Whoever designed it’s definitely got some preferences.” 

Dirk looks over at him. He looks tired. Todd doesn’t blame him. He feels tired, too. Maybe Dirk’s right. Maybe it is weird. He’s not sure anymore. “Would you like to help me find a bedroom?” 

He shrugs. “Sure." 

They end up in the hallway with all the doors again. The two of them end up just standing in front of one, staring at it. 

“What if it eats us?” Dirk asks abruptly, his hands in his pockets. 

Todd folds his arms. “I don’t think doors can eat people.” 

“Well, I don’t think we’re supposed to be in an infinity loop of a hotel either, but here we are.” 

“We don’t know that everyone else isn’t in a separate infinity loop of a hotel.” 

“For one thing, I think that yes, we can assume everyone else isn’t, because we both have wallets, and those wallets indicate a life outside of a rather nice but rather perpetual hotel.” 

That’s… a fair point. “Maybe you are a good detective after all.” 

Dirk beams, looking thrilled. “That’s a pretty backhanded compliment, Todd, but thanks nonetheless.” 

“What’s the other thing, if there’s one?” 

“My other thing is that if we’re stuck in an infinity loop of a hotel, there’s no reason that the door can’t eat us.” 

“I’m taking back the good detective comment.” 

“Rude.” 

They stare at the door for another minute. 

“Well, _one_ of us has to try it.” 

He sniffs. “There’s absolutely no reason we can’t sleep on the floor, so I think neither of us have to try it, if we don’t want to.” 

“Well, _I_ want to.” Todd takes a step towards the door, turns the knob, and flings it open. He stays in the hall, though. Just in case. 

The room, as much as they can see from the hallway, has golden walls and a golden bedspread, furthering the color palette for this place, evidently. There’s two beds, the pillows large and white with two little red ones up against them, a bureau across from the beds and a lamp on each of two nightstands. Golden drapes cover a certain spot on the wall. There’s a door for what Todd would guess is the bathroom in the corner, and on top of the bureau is a wooden box and a radio player. The two of them look at each other. 

“It looks pretty harmless,” Dirk eventually admits. “I mean, appearances can be deceiving and all that. But. It looks well enough.” 

“Yeah.” Todd looks wistfully at the beds. “That looks… pretty comfortable right now, I’m not going to lie.” 

“And not to be crude, but I would _dreadfully_ love to use that bathroom.” Dirk raises his foot up a little, stares at the carpeting that’s the same pattern as the rest of the floor in the hotel for just another moment, and puts his foot on it. They both stand still, staring at Dirk’s foot. 

“Well,” Todd says. “You didn’t explode.” 

“That is true. Didn’t even _feel_ like exploding. Do you think maybe I’m supposed to _implode_?” 

“Do you _feel_ like imploding?” 

“No…” he tilts his head. “No, I don’t think so. Feeling reasonably neutral on the explosion and implosion front.” He puts his next foot in through the doorway and stands firmly just inside the room. “I think it may be all right after all.” 

“So it’s not going to eat you?” 

He turns his head to narrow his eyes at Todd. “There’s no call for being _snide_, Todd.” 

Todd steps next to him, looking around. “It’s a pretty nice room, all things considered.” 

“You should go see if any of the other rooms are different. I’m going to use the loo and then maybe we can see what there is to determine about the rest of the rooms. I think determining is no doubt very much in a detective’s wheelhouse.” 

“Okay.” Todd steps into the hallway and looks around, trying to decide which room to try. He decides to go for the one across the hall and heads inside. It looks exactly like the room Dirk is in, except here the bathroom door is closed. He looks down at a box of records by the bureau with the wooden box and the radio on it. There’s ten or fifteen records inside. He picks one up to see that there’s no band label or tracklist, just a solid color. He opens the wooden box on a suspicion that turns out to be founded when he sees a record player inside. 

“Huh,” he mutters. 

The door to the bathroom opens. Todd screams. The person from the bathroom screams. Todd hurls the record. Dirk ducks and the record bounces off the door behind him. 

“Jesus _Christ_!” Todd yells as Dirk slowly stands up. 

“Are you _ever_ going to stop _throwing_ things at me?” Dirk yells back, brushing his pants off a little. “What did you even _throw?_” He picks up the record, examining it. “You didn’t break it, at least. Is your automatic defense mechanism thing anytime anyone startles you to start chucking things at them? I thought you were going to check out the other rooms, anyway.” 

“I _did._ How did you get into the bathroom?” 

Dirk gives him a look like he’s an idiot. “Through the _door_, Todd.” 

“No, I mean…” Todd looks at the door behind him. “Hang on… just, just hang on.” He heads to the door, flings it open, strides across the hallway, and walks right into the room across from him. Dirk is there, staring at him. “Did I just walk out the door and come right back in?” 

“You _did._” Dirk walks up to the door and peers into the hallway. “Infinite loop of a hotel, infinite loop of bedrooms. That is _fascinating_.” 

Todd pulls off his shoes and lays on one of the beds. “Terrific.” 

“I wish the rooms were closer together so I could see what happened when you stuck one part of your body through one doorway and the other part of your body through the other." 

“Maybe you’d split in half.” 

He pulls a face. “Probably not so fun.” He heads over to the opposite bed, and they sit in silence for a few minutes. 

“What do you think the deal with the radio is?” Todd asks finally. 

“I’ve been wondering that myself. Do you think we get stations? Evidently we get records.” 

“I don’t know how there’d be any stations for us to pick up.” 

Dirk gets up off the bed and kneels in front of the bureau. He contemplates the radio thoughtfully for a moment, then turns it on. There’s a brief fuzz of static, and then a woman’s voice starts floating through the speaker. 

“Hey. It’s me.” She clears her throat. “We know you’re somewhere, okay? Farah and I, uh, we picked this thing up off of Sansford, two things, this transmitter and the weird button he pushed, and we’re gonna just… figure out what he did. And we’ll get you guys back. Or out. Or whatever it is. So just… sit tight, I guess. Cause we’ll get you home soon.” 

The woman’s voice fades out into static. A few seconds pass, and it starts over again, and then over again after that. Dirk turns the radio off. 

“Do you recognize her voice?” 

Todd shakes his head. “No. Did you?” 

“No. But she clearly knows us.” 

“So you were right.” 

“About which?” 

“There’s where we came from, instead of here.” 

“Oh. Yes. I suppose I was.” Dirk slowly gets up and sits on his bed. “And someone did it to us, whatever this is.” 

“Yeah.” Todd rests against the headboard, staring at the radio. “I kinda wanna punch him as soon as we get out of here.” 

“I don’t feel particularly like the punching sort, but yes, I think I’d rather like a crack at him myself.” 

“Punching’s easy. You just aim and punch. I’ll show you.” 

Dirk looks a little amused. “If it’s so simple, what do I need someone to show me for?” 

“Well, you’ll get to see it anyway, cause as soon as we’re out of here, I’m gonna punch him.” 

“I’ll be sure to take notes.” 

Todd narrows his eyes, pretty sure he’s being mocked. Dirk purses his lips and looks away in a way that means Todd just _knows_ he’s covering for a smile, which means he’s _definitely_ being mocked. 

“I turned on the radio,” Dirk says before Todd can call him out on it. “Dare you to open the bureau.” 

Todd rolls his eyes, but stands and tugs open the top drawer to discover sets of pajamas in two different colors, pale yellow and pale blue. 

“Pajamas,” he says. “I’m gonna guess in both our sizes.” 

“Ooh.” Dirk stands up and joins him. “Dibs on the yellow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The previous chapter is actually longer than some of the chapters I'm going to post so technically it could have stood on its own, but I'm worn out from being sick and I don't know if I'm going to be up to posting another chapter on Thursday, so I thought I'd post two today.
> 
> -If Dirk had his memories, he would know that Todd’s automatic defense mechanism is EXACTLY to start chucking things when he’s startled
> 
> -I know that Todd isn’t really falling for Dirk yet, but I’m gonna go ahead and claim that in any universe, Todd asking someone if they want him to teach them how to punch stuff is a courtship ritual, even if this Todd doesn't know it
> 
> -[I envision Dirk and Todd's pajamas to look more like the ones on the left than the ones on the right](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/746964288180301914/?nic=1)


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Dirk finds a hobby.

When Todd wakes up, he vaguely expects to be somewhere else, but when he opens his eyes, Dirk is lying in the bed next to him, asleep on top of the covers. Todd looks at the ceiling, trying to discern shapes in it, patterns, anything that might be a clue on how to break out. 

Dirk makes a sharp snorting noise to signify his re-entry into consciousness. He lifts his head and blinks blearily at Todd. 

“Oh,” he says, sounding a little dismayed. 

“Yeah.” 

He goes a little red. “Sorry, I didn’t mean-“ 

“No, I know what you meant, it’s fine.” 

They lie in their beds in silence for a while. 

“I’m hungry,” Todd finally says. “Let’s go find some breakfast.” 

The bureau in the bedroom has shirts and pants like the ones they were wearing yesterday in different colors, so they get changed before they head out. The dining room is as stocked as it was yesterday. The plates they’d left are gone. They sit at the same table as before, quietly eating. 

“Why is there so much whipped cream on your French toast?” Todd finally asks. 

Dirk sniffs. “Why is there so _little_ whipped cream on _your_ pancakes?” 

“There’s no whipped cream on my pancakes.” 

“Which I think rather decidedly makes you the weird one.” 

Todd suppresses a smile, looking down at his food. He doesn’t miss the fact that Dirk is grinning triumphantly at him, which makes it even harder to suppress the smile.

“Do you think we’re allowed to have hobbies?” 

Todd looks over at him. They’re both sitting on one of the couches in the lobby for lack of better things to do. Todd’s sitting on it cross legged. Dirk’s sitting on it upside down, legs over the back of it and head nearly resting on the floor. “What?” 

“Hobbies. Things to do. Do you think we’re allowed?” 

“I mean, so far the only thing we aren’t allowed to do is leave.” 

“That’s optimistic thinking.” 

“Are you being serious or sarcastic?” 

“Yes, I think.” Dirk starts drumming his hands on his chest. “I thought I might like to draw.” 

“Do you think you were an artist beforehand?” 

“Not sure. Mostly I’m trying to think what I’d like to do to pass the time, however long we’re going to be here, and I thought learning to draw might be nice.” 

“If you’re allowed to, you’ll probably stumble across some supplies.” 

“Ooh, that’s _excellent_ thinking. I shall return if and when I’ve found anything to draw with.” Dirk manages to shift himself around until he’s sitting on the floor. “Oof. Dizzy. Just a mo’.” He waits another few moments before standing and swanning off. Todd gets out of his cross legged position and lies on the sofa properly, putting his hands on his chest and closing his eyes. He’s given about five minutes before he hears an _aHA!_ and opens his eyes to see Dirk returning triumphantly with a sketchpad and a piece of paper. 

“Success is mine!” He looks around the room excitedly. “What do you think I should draw?” 

“What do you feel like drawing?” 

“I’m not sure. The desk. Oh, no, wait, the couch. Oh, no, wait, the floor. Oh, no, wait-“ 

“What about a lily?” 

Dirk brightens. “Yes. Excellent guiding, Todd.” 

Todd closes his eyes to take a little nap. “No problem.” 

Dirk’s lily drawing isn’t actually so bad, and Todd tells him so. 

“Thank you. I’m hoping with practice I'll improve. I’m going to spend every day until those people come to get us out practicing on how to draw this lily. What are you going to do?” 

Todd shrugs. “Wander around, probably. Take naps.” 

“Isn’t there anything you’d like to do?” 

“Not that I can think of yet, I guess.” 

“Well. Something will come to you. I’m sure of it.”


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Todd finds a hobby.

The third day passes much like the last for a while. Dirk studiously, intently draws the lily. Todd lays on the couch next to him with his eyes closed. They eat at the room with endless food, and leave the plates behind for the loop to take care of. They go to sleep in pale blue and pale yellow pajamas, and whenever they turn on the radio, the woman’s promise to get them out plays on repeat. 

In the evening, Todd decides to finally crack open the record player, browsing the records that have no name on them. He puts one on as Dirk watches silently from his bed, and soon classical music fills the room. 

“Do you recognize it?” Dirk asks. 

“No. I don’t think I know how.” Todd sits on his bed. “It’s nice, though.” 

“Yes.” Dirk settles against the headboard, watching the record player. He looks more peaceful than Todd’s used to, something more tranquil in his face. “Very nice.” 

Dirk’s lily is looking even better. Todd wonders what will happen once he’s filled a sketchbook with lilies, if the hotel will provide another one, or if he’ll be all out of paper forever. He doesn’t say any of this to Dirk, instead watches him draw, face intent as he works. 

“What about photography?” Dirk abruptly says out of nowhere, glancing up to look back at the lily. 

“What?” 

“Photography. As a hobby.” 

“There’s not a lot here to photograph.” 

“Nonsense, there’s the lobby, there’s the dining room, there’s all the doors, there’s the lilies. Plenty of stuff.” 

“I dunno.” 

“Your call.” Dirk returns his gaze to the pad of paper. “Just, as you might say, spitballing.” 

Todd goes wandering around the hotel while Dirk sketches the next day. The routine is almost familiar by now. It’s nice to have a routine, they’ve found, even if there’s not much to it. 

He meanders through the hotel, aimlessly looking around, poking at the walls. Eventually he walks his way into a room that has what looks like an old library card catalogue in it. He pulls one of the drawers out and stares into it. 

“Oh my god,” he mumbles with a sigh. “He’s going to be _insufferable_.” 

When Todd returns, Dirk is still scrutinizing the lily. 

“Do you know, I think that I _am_ getting better at this,” he says thoughtfully. “Slowly, certainly, but-“ He looks up at Todd and breaks into a delighted laugh. 

“Shut up.” 

“Oh, look at _that_.” 

Todd looks down at the Polaroid and film in his hands. “I don’t even know if I’m gonna use this, you know.” 

“Perhaps I have a special connection with the loop. I can speak things into existence.” 

“Speak a door out of here.” 

“My connection only goes so far.”

“Hey, did you find your sketchbook in the same place as my camera?”

Dirk gives him a look so significant Todd’s pretty sure he’s looking over imaginary glasses. “Well, that depends on where you _found_ it, Todd.”

Todd thinks about punching his shoulder but it’s a fair point. “That room with the thing that looked like a card catalog.”

“Oh, yes. The drawers looked far too small to hold anything like a camera or a sketchbook, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. But deep.”

“It’s probably fucking with our-“ Dirk waves his hand holding the pencil vaguely. “Spatial awareness. It only holds what we need at the moment we need it, and contains the necessary space when we need it to.”

“I don’t know if that makes sense.”

“I don’t think you get to make lofty claims of sense when we’re in a hotel that goes round in round on itself.” Dirk grins at him. “By the way, the fact that it provided the camera almost certainly means you’ve been thinking about photography as an option which means I was _right._”

Todd does thump him on the arm, then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally didn’t have the drawing/photography thing, and then I realized that my other option was having them do almost nothing to occupy themselves in the hotel, and not only did I think that was super boring, I thought it would be super difficult to write, so here we are.


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is music.

The next record is swing music. Crooners Todd doesn’t know the name of sing love songs from the record player. 

“I far prefer this,” Dirk says from his bed, where he’s brought a bowl of soup from the dining room with him. “Than the music without the singers, I mean. Do you know any of these songs?” 

“Nope. They don’t even sound familiar.” 

“So either we’ve never heard them before or we’ve heard them before but we don’t remember hearing it before.” 

“Does it matter either way?” 

“I suppose not.” Dirk puts his now empty soup bowl on his nightstand. “It’s still nice. Do you think this’ll be here when I wake up?” 

“Only one way to find out.” 

“What, wear it as a hat?” 

Todd laughs, startled, and Dirk grins. Dirk has started doing his best to make Todd laugh, and acts delighted every time he pulls it off. It kind of make Todd want to laugh more, just to see the look on his face, and to maybe make him laugh, too, just to see what happens.


	8. eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the camera is finally used.

“So do you actually like it?” Todd asks, sitting on the couch, watching Dirk draw. 

“Do I actually like which?” 

“Drawing. Is it something you like to do or are you just bored?” 

Dirk taps the pencil thoughtfully against his lips. “You know, it started out because I was bored, but I think I might actually be enjoying it.” 

“Do you think you might’ve done it before?” 

“Absolutely no clue. I’d hope if I’d done it before, I’d be better than this.” 

“No, it actually…” he peers over Dirk’s shoulder at the half finished drawing. “It looks good. Better than when you started.” 

“Do you think so?” 

“Yeah. It’s good.” 

Dirk gives him a smile different than normal. It’s almost shy, in a way. “Thank you.” 

“No problem.” 

He returns his focus to drawing. Todd thinks about it, then gets up. “I’ll be right back.” 

“Mm.” 

He heads for the corridor with all the doors, opens it to their bedroom, picks something up, and heads back. He settles on the couch and watches Dirk draw intently for another moment before raising the Polaroid and taking a snap. Dirk jumps at the sound, looking at him, and Todd pulls the photo from the camera, shaking it. 

“You’re _using_ it,” he says, sounding delighted. “What did you take a photo of?” 

Todd holds it out to him. Dirk blinks, startled to see the photo of himself, drawing and lost in thought. 

“Oh. Why me?” 

Todd shrugs. “You… seem like a worthwhile subject.” He intends to recover with the fact that he’s really Todd’s _only_ subject, feeling suddenly a little embarrassed and uncertain, but the tips of Dirk’s ears go pink, and he looks back down at his pad with a soft little smile, and he can’t bring himself to say it. 

“Well. Thank you for that.” He hands Todd back the photo. 

Todd sets the photograph next to himself on the couch. “No problem.” 


	9. nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is getting to know each other.

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Dirk asks, apropos of nothing. Todd looks up from where he’s surveying the records. They like to listen to music at night. First they turn the radio on to see if the message from the woman has changed. When it hasn’t, they put on a record. 

“What, the whole situation?” 

“Well, yes. But I mean. There’s the instinct in me that the way one learns about another person is asking them about themselves. You’ve got that too, right?” 

“Yeah.” It’s true. He doesn’t know from where, but he knows that’s the way one goes about these things. 

“But we don’t know anything about ourselves. So we don’t know how to learn about each other. So it’s weird.” 

Todd puts on one of the swing records and sits on his bed. “Yeah. I guess it kinda is.” He looks over at Dirk. “Well, uh, I. I like that mango ice cream that’s in the dining room.” 

Dirk looks startled, then smiles slightly. “Not a fan.” 

“Really? You’ve got such a sweet tooth that I would have thought it would appeal to you.” 

He shrugs. “Nope. Just doesn’t do it for me. I like the cannoli, though.” 

“Yeah, me too. I like this song.” Todd gestures at the record player. “The flying and moons song.” 

“Yeah. Me, too.” 

“I wonder why so many of them are swing records.” 

“I mean, we could wonder that about literally anything here.” 

Dirk nods thoughtfully. “Why it's so red and gold everywhere.” 

“Why the radio’s in the room.” 

“Why he’s just so obsessed with doors to nowhere.” 

“I mean, it’s not so bad, right?” Todd picks at the sheet on his bed. “We don’t know anything about ourselves but we’re, y’know. Getting to know each other. We’re not doing it alone.” 

Dirk grins. “You’ve come a long way from throwing a shoe at me.” 

“That was only like-“ Todd counts quickly in his head. “Three weeks ago. Ish.” 

“Time moves strangely here. It’s all long and short.” Dirk shakes his head quickly. “Well, regardless. I’m glad that I’m not doing this alone. And that you’re the one that I’m not not doing it alone with.” 

Todd smiles at him. “Thanks.” 

Dirk smiles back, and the two of them listen as the music wafts through the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [This is the song they're listening to.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEcqHA7dbwM)


	10. ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is some photography.

Todd starts taking photos more regularly. He takes pictures of the lilies, of the lights, of the food in the dining room. After every one, Dirk will inspect the photo and declare them to be the greatest photo ever taken, but with a tiny thing that could be improved upon. At first it’s vaguely annoying, but he finds that Dirk has a point with the tips, and soon he asks specifically for them. Dirk’s got a good eye. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to try this yourself?” Todd asks while Dirk’s busy with the sketchbook. “You’d probably be pretty good at it.” 

“No.” Dirk’s huddled over his book, pencil flying. “I rather like this. I’m going to switch it up from the lily, by the way.” 

“Yeah? I thought you were gonna do it until we got out of here.” 

“It’s been four weeks. I’m bored.” 

“What are you gonna draw?” 

“Absolutely no clue.” He points the pencil at Todd. “But I’ll think of something.” 


	11. eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is discussion of sunlight, and an experiment.

“Do you remember what sunlight feels like?” Todd asks Dirk. It’s bothering him today. He doesn’t know why. It’s not like he remembers what it’s like to have sunlight. But there’s something about being imprisoned in here that hits him sometimes, that there’s no fresh air, no windows, even if he can’t remember what it’s like to breathe it, what it’s like to look out of one and see. 

“No.” Dirk looks up at the chandeliers hanging in the lobby. They spend a lot of time hanging out together in the lobby. It’s part of trying to have a structure to the day. If they spend all their time in their bedroom, it doesn’t feel like a day. “Probably looks a bit like that.” 

“We wouldn’t know either way.” 

Dirk contemplates the chandelier. Then nods decisively. “Right. Come on.” 

“What are we doing?” 

Dirk hauls over the lobby desk. “An experiment.” 

“What kind of an experiment?” 

“Hopefully the sort that doesn’t get us injured. Do you think we _can_ get injured?” 

Todd crosses his arms while Dirk pulls the desk this way and that, clearly trying to get it in the perfect position for whatever he’s planning. “I know I don’t want to find out.” 

“You’ve got to _live_ a little, Todd.” 

“I’m living. And I’d prefer to stay that way.” 

Dirk starts dragging the couch over next to the desk. “I can guarantee you with a certainty up to 97% that this will not kill or injure us. We don’t even know if we can die here, by the way, which should make you more willing to take a shot with me.” 

“I don’t even know what we’re doing. And I don’t know that 97% is enough to reassure me.” 

“97% is a good enough reason to do anything.” Dirk finally gets the couch where he wants it and holds out his hand to Todd. “Come on.” He rolls his eyes when Todd looks at it warily. “Come _on_.” 

Todd lets Dirk help him up to stand on the couch. “Now what?” 

He shakes his head. “Get on the _desk_, Todd.” 

“Oh.” Todd climbs onto the desk from the couch, which is admittedly easier than if he would’ve tried it from the floor. He hesitantly puts his arms out to steady himself. “Okay. I don’t feel super balanced here, just so you know.” 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll catch you if you fall. And _don’t_,” he adds quickly. “Say that’s not reassuring, because even if I can’t catch you I’ll make a convenient landing pad.” 

“What am I supposed to do?” 

“Close your eyes and look up at the chandelier.” 

“Close my eyes… and _then_ look?” 

“Yes.” 

Todd obeys. “Okay?” 

“So? Can you feel the warmth of it?” 

“…faintly, I guess.” 

“So? Do you think that’s what sunlight feels like?” 

Todd’s heart skips a beat. He closes his eyes even tighter. “Yeah. Yeah, maybe a little. And, uh. The light coming through even though my eyes are closed, I think that’s… kinda what sunlight would be like, too. Too strong to beat my lids being closed.” 

“There you are.” Dirk sounds proud of himself, and maybe a little delighted. “We’ve got a facsimile.” 

Todd looks back down at Dirk, blinking the spots from his eyes. “Okay, you’re gonna have to help me down, my vision’s all weird from staring at the light.” 

Dirk takes his hand again and carefully helps him onto the floor. Then he scrambles up on the couch himself. “Okay, my turn!” 

Todd watches him clamor up to the desk before he balances himself just like Todd did. He tips his face upright to the chandelier, eyes closed, face tranquil. Todd silently kneels on the ground, picks up his Polaroid where he’d put it down, and snaps a picture of Dirk’s face, peaceful and aglow. Dirk doesn’t seem to hear the sound, and Todd puts the picture in the pocket of his jacket. 

“You know, I think I like this,” Dirk says thoughtfully, eyes still closed. “Perhaps when we get out, we’ll have to find some promising sunlight spots-“ he yelps, losing balance, and tips backwards and forwards a couple times before he falls on Todd. The two of them end up on the floor, Dirk’s face somewhere between his stomach and his chest. “_Oof_.” 

“Ow." 

“Sorry.” 

“S’all right.” Todd shifts a little. “There you go, though. We can get injured." Not majorly, but he can't resist the dig.

“All in the name of discovery.” The two of them sit up slowly. “I didn’t hit your camera, did I?” 

“Nope.” Todd stretches his arms a little as Dirk stretches his back, the both of them wincing a little. “Come on, let’s put the stuff back.” 

Dirk shrugs. “The loop’ll probably do it for us. Let’s go get lunch instead.” 

“So, 97% turned out well.”

“Oh, shut up, there’s always a chance of error. You make a very convenient landing pad yourself, by the way.”

It’s only on the walk to the dining room that Todd realizes he’d said _when we get out_, and that Dirk is planning for a future together. 

It’s only while they’re picking out their food that Todd realizes he’s planning the same thing.


	12. twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there's photos and sketches.

Dirk’s busier with his sketchbook than normal, and twitchier about whether or not Todd sees it. Todd accepts it as one of his weird quirks, like how he only eats peas with a spoon, or how he sleeps on top of the covers. He’s trying to hide how frequently he takes pictures of Dirk, anyway, fortunate for his absentmindedness that means he hasn’t noticed already. He’s got the photos shoved under his mattress. Fortunately, the loop lets them stay where they are. 

They’re in the lobby where they’ve managed to set up a backgammon board, sitting on the floor between the two of them. Dirk is drawing studiously when he’s not making his move. 

“I feel like it should be chess,” Todd says, contemplating his next move. “Doesn’t chess have more gravitas?” 

“Mm,” Dirk mumbles noncommittally. 

“I’m going to beat you if you keep getting distracted, you know.” 

“Mm-hm.” 

“I wonder if we learned how to play this together.” 

That _does_ catch Dirk’s attention, and he looks up. “What?” 

“I mean.” Todd waves a piece. “I dunno, don’t you ever wonder about what parts of stuff we did before this?” 

“Of course.” Dirk returns his attention to the sketchbook. “But there’s no point to it. Neither of us will remember, you know? This is the life we have now, and until we get out of it, why wonder?” 

“Yeah, I guess.” Todd grins at him. “Don’t think my wondering’s gonna stop me from kicking your ass, though, cause-“ 

Dirk drops his pencil. It clatters against the board, and startles him enough that he drops the sketchbook right in the middle of the game. 

“Aw, dude, we’re gonna need to reset the game now, I can’t remember which-“ Todd stops when he sees the sketchbook, Dirk frozen in the position of still holding it. He reaches out and then looks up at Dirk, waiting for confirmation that he can pick it up. Dirk kind of jerks his head and twitches his shoulder in a nod and a shrug and Todd picks up the sketchbook. 

It’s a pretty good likeness, all things considered, and Todd wonders suddenly how often Dirk’s done it at this point to get so good at it. The him in the sketch is lost in thought, studying the backgammon board, resting his chin on his hand, elbow on his knee. There’s so much care in the sketch, that much is visible. Every line is rendered so carefully, erase marks vaguely visible after a line that wasn’t just right was corrected. Looking at it makes something in his stomach twist, feeling his cheeks go hot. He looks up at Dirk, who looks like he’s trying not to look completely terrified. 

Todd swallows, then reaches into his pocket. He’s been carrying this one in particular around. He’s not sure why. He’s just felt better having it with him. He hands Dirk the photo of himself looking at the chandelier, all lit up and beautiful. Dirk takes it with slightly trembling fingers, staring at it. They sit in silence as Dirk blushes, and Todd feels himself flush even further. 

Then Dirk smiles slightly, looking up at him. Todd feels himself smile back, a little nervous but pleased at the same time. 

Dirk hands the photo back. Todd gives him back the sketchbook. They silently begin to rearrange the backgammon board. 


	13. thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is the aftermath of a fight.

Todd doesn’t even remember how the fight started, he thinks as he lies on the floor of the hotel lobby. It was something small. He’s sure of it. He can’t even remember it. It must be small. They’d been getting ready for the day and something ignited. He doesn’t even remember who’d started it at this point, or who’s fault it ultimately was. There’d been shouting and then screaming and then Todd stormed out. He’d done what feels like about fifty loops of the hotel, angry every time he passed an endless row of doors knowing that Dirk was behind them. Eventually he’d just… stopped in the lobby. Lying on the floor felt like the easiest option. Better than the couches, for some reason. 

Now he’s just staring at the ceiling, wondering at what point he’s going to get up and talk to Dirk. He’s not even sure what to say. He just knows that this aching, yawning emptiness that’s opened up inside him since his anger cooled is worse than anything the hotel could throw at them, and that he doesn’t want to dance around Dirk for eternity carrying this feeling with him. He wants to know what it’s like to hear him laugh again. To watch his hair fall in his face as he draws, his tongue sticking out a little bit in the corner of his mouth as he concentrates. To just be around him, to feel what it’s like to be a human person co existing in the same space as Dirk Gently. 

Todd hears footsteps approaching. He doesn’t move, just keeps staring at the ceiling. He’s not ashamed to acknowledge that he’s frightened of what he might see if he doesn’t. 

He hears Dirk lie down next to him. The two of them lay there in silence. From what Todd can see out of the corner of his eye, he’s staring at the ceiling, too. 

“It’s hard,” Dirk finally says. “Being in this place, sometimes.” 

Todd swallows. “Yeah,” he whispers. “It just... gets inside your head and stays there.” 

“I know I said there was no sense in wondering. And it’s true, but sometimes... I can’t help it. I wonder what life is like when you, I don’t know, make your own meals, and do laundry, and go outside.” 

“Yeah. Me, too.” He swallows again. “Do you think... we were friends?” 

“Yes.” Dirk’s answer is immediate. “I think perhaps we... clashed, sometimes, like we did today. But I. Yes. Yes, I think we were friends.” 

“Claustrophobic.” Todd takes a deep breath. “We’re just... claustrophobic.” 

“Yes. I know.” He can hear Dirk shift a little and he turns his head to look at him. He’s extended his arm loosely, hand resting between the two of them, palm up. He’s just barely looking at Todd, like he’s frightened of the reaction it may prompt. 

Todd reaches out and takes it in his own. The two of them look back up at the ceiling. Dirk’s hand is warm, and slowly, their hands curve together so they are clasped tightly. Todd can feel that warmth, spiking up his hand and his arm all the way to his whole body, feeling like his heart is pressed between their joined hands. 


	14. fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where a photo is taken.

“Let me try,” Dirk says when he’s sitting on the floor of the lobby. Todd looks up from where he had his eyes closed on the couch. 

“Try what?” 

“The camera. I want to give it a go.” 

“Sure.” Todd pulls it out from where he’d stashed it under the couch and hands it to him. “Go for it.” 

He closes his eyes again, listening to the sound of the camera’s shutter going off. He doesn’t know what Dirk’s taking photos of, but it doesn’t really matter. He’s got infinite film, anyway. 

“Sit up,” Dirk tells him eventually. 

Todd groans a little, pretty comfortable. “Why?” 

“Because I want a picture of the two of us together.” 

That does get him to open his eyes. “What?” 

“You have pictures of me and I have drawings of you, but there’s nothing of the two of us together. So come on. Sit up.” 

He does so, slowly. Dirk plops himself down on the couch next to him. Todd scoots closer and Dirk presses his cheek against Todd’s as he holds the camera up. He’s not usually this close to Dirk, and he can’t help a real grin as Dirk takes the picture. 

The photo pops out, and Dirk shakes it vigorously. “Am I doing it right?” 

“Yeah, that’s good.” It’s probably a little more forceful than is strictly necessary, but he looks like he’s having fun, so Todd lets it go.

The two of them look at the photo as it develops. Dirk is beaming, that wide goofy grin he gets when he’s really excited or pleased. Todd is looking at the camera and grinning, but something about the photo says he’s grinning less for the camera and more for the situation. 

Todd looks, he thinks, utterly besotted. 

“It’s a good picture,” he says. “That was a good idea.” 

Dirk grins. “All my ideas are good ideas.” 

“Oh my god, that is _blatantly_ untrue.”


	15. fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Dirk makes a request.

“I don’t know how to do this,” Dirk says suddenly on the way back to their room. 

Todd looks at him. He’s been pensive all day. Todd hasn’t asked because he’s been sure Dirk would tell him what it was when he was ready, and he’s been prepared for something like this since he realized something was off. “Don’t know how to do what?” 

“I just...” he sighs, frustrated. “I’m not even always the best at reading social cues with you, and I can’t even remember how I did it when I was the other me, so I don’t know how to do this, and I just...” they stop in front of the door that will lead them to their room. Dirk’s looking down at the ground, face exhausted and a little fragile. “Can you just... make this easy for me?” 

Todd stares at him, the way his eyes are flitting between the floor and Todd’s face, and knows, suddenly, what he’s asking for. 

He puts his hands on either side of Dirk’s face and kisses him. He can feel Dirk’s body sort of sag with the relief of it, his arms sliding around Todd’s waist, holding him gently. And he’s right in more ways than one, Todd thinks as they break apart only for Dirk to press his forehead against Todd’s. 

This, the thing with him and Todd, is easy. 

The bedroom doesn’t take long to shift into one bed instead of two, and Todd discovers that this is the only way Dirk will crawl under the covers, if it means he can wrap himself around someone else in the bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said earlier, I started this fic about a year ago and a whole lot of life happened in between then and now, so to be honest, a lot of the scenes I originally conceived of for this fic are probably lost to time. I only had I think two scenes from this that I could remember when I sat back down to work on this again: the final chapter and this one.
> 
> This really marks a turning point in the fic, y'all, by which I mean there's not much more to it. There's about nine or ten chapters to go, and the last two or three will be sizably bigger, because they deal with the aftermath after they get out of the hotel. Not long to go now!


	16. sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where another activity is found.

They find roller skates in the card catalog room one day, and they decide they might as well skate around the lobby. Dirk, as it turns out, is a natural. Todd, not so much. 

“Ow,” Todd mumbles as he lands flat on his ass for the fourth time. 

“It’s not so hard.” Dirk holds out his hands. “Come on, I’ll show you.” 

Todd grins at him as he helps him to his feet. “Is this just an excuse to hold my hands?” 

Dirk grins back at him. “I don’t need an excuse for that anymore.” 

Dirk slowly eases Todd into it, and soon they’re skating around the lobby, Dirk hanging on still to one of Todd’s hands. 

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I have to stop, you know,” Todd tells him. “Getting moving is one thing, stopping is another.” 

Dirk laughs. “Probably fall on your arse again.” 

“There’s only so many times I can do that before it gets old.” 

“No, no, I assure you, I’ve seen you do it four times already and it has _not_ gotten old.” 

“God, you’re such an asshole.” 

“Yes, but seeing as I appear to be literally the only man in the universe, you’re rather stuck with me.” 

Todd squeezes his hand. “I’d prefer to be stuck with you even if you weren’t the only man in the universe.” 

Dirk goes a little red. “Well. Thank you.” 

“But if I fall again, I’m dragging you down with me.” 

He laughs again, beaming. “Good luck.” 


	17. seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is an absence of... something.

“Do you still feel it?” Todd asks. 

Dirk looks up from his chicken and potatoes. They’re trying to keep to regular eating schedules, even though there’s no outside light which can make it difficult for a day to feel like a day. It feels like the adult thing to do. “Feel what?” 

“Like something’s been cut off. Like you said the first day we were here.” 

“Oh. Um.” He puts down his fork. “Yes. It’s like something _should_ be there, like an… an intuition, or something, but it’s been muted. There’s a space left with nothing where something should be.” 

“Do you have any idea what it is?” 

Dirk shakes his head, looking slightly mournful. 

Todd mulls it over. 

“Well,” he says. “I’m sorry that it’s there. And that I can’t help fix it. I wish I could.” 

Dirk smiles a little, still looking slightly more tired than he did before but sincere. He takes Todd’s hand in his own. “I know you do. And I appreciate the thought.”


	18. eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Todd has an idea.

“There’s got to be something we’ve never done in here,” Todd says. He’s sitting on the floor of the lobby, Dirk’s head in his lap, and it’s just one of those days where they feel like they’ve run out of things to do. It happens every once in a while. Usually they just take a nap. 

Dirk waggles his eyebrows at him. Todd lightly pinches his side. “Ow.” 

“_Other_ than that.” 

“Well, if you’re not taking suggestions, then I just don’t know what to do with you.” 

Todd can’t help a grin. Dirk gets that expression that he always gets whenever he makes Todd grin, like he’s somehow performed a minor miracle. It’s more endearing than it has any right to be. For some reason, it sparks something in the back of his head. 

“I’ve got an idea,” he announces. 

“I bet mine is more fun.” 

“We’ll see.” Todd taps on his chest. “Come on. We can’t do it if we don’t get up.” 

“Mine’s looking better already.” He gets up after Todd, though, and they walk hand in hand through the hotel, their hands idly swinging. 

“Do I get hints?” 

“You do.” 

“Does it involve clowns in some way?” 

“God, no. How would it involve clowns in some way? We’re the only people here.” 

“I don’t know. It seemed like a prudent question.” 

“_How?_” 

“Hey, _you_ said I got hints, you didn’t say they had to be extremely logical and sense making. _And_, by the way, we are very conspicuously leading _away_ from the lobby, so you haven’t found anything for us to do in the lobby at all.” 

Todd rolls his eyes. “Trust me, it’ll be fine.” 

“I want to ask about the clowns again.” 

Todd opens up one of the doors that will lead to their room. “Literally the only thing you are not allowed to do is ask me about clowns again.” 

Dirk follows him in. “What about jesters?” 

Todd starts rifling through the records. “No jesters, either.” 

“What about mimes?” 

He finds the one he’s looking for. “Jesus, how many words in the clown related family do you know?” 

“Is that a legitimate question?” 

“I bet that other you is a real weirdo.” 

“But the other you clearly hung around him, so we’re both the weirdos here. What are you _actually_ doing, though?” 

Todd puts the record on. “Okay, give me your hand.” 

Dirk does, unquestioningly. “Now what?” 

“Put it here.” Todd moves it to his waist. “And I haven’t returned to your idea, so don’t start.” 

“You can’t take away my clown lines _and_ my lewd suggestions.” His cheeks are faintly dusted with pink. “Now what?” 

“Now I put mine here.” He moves his hand to Dirk’s waist. “Come on, give me the other one.” 

Dirk obeys, and soon the two of them are moving in a slow circle as the swing record plays. 

“Okay,” Dirk murmurs. “This was a good call.” 

Todd grins. “Even without the clowns?” 

“Probably even more so without the clowns, to be frank.” 

“Do you even like clowns?” 

“No, the very thought of them terrify me.” 

Todd laughs and Dirk slides his arm around his waist, pulling him tighter. 

“I was going to ask you what you thought of clowns,” he says. “But you’ve set up a very nice romantic moment for us, and I think I’m probably going to ruin it with clown talk.” 

“It’s okay." 

“The music is a nice touch.” 

“Yeah.” Todd rests his head against Dirk’s chest. "I thought maybe it would be.” 

“I, um.” Dirk leans his head against Todd’s head. “I don’t say this nearly enough, or at all, really, but. If it weren’t for you, I would have gone insane. But it’s not... just that. Even if there were four people here, or twenty, or a hundred, I would want to be right here, right now, with you. Always.” 

Todd swallows. “Yeah. Me, too.” 

“You don’t have to say it just cause I-“ 

“No.” He slides his arm around Dirk now, too, and he feels Dirk pull him a little tighter in response. “No, me too. Even if...” he takes a deep breath. “Even if we never get out. Which I think... we both tend to think, these days. But even if we never get out, I think I could do this for the rest of my life. With you.” 

Todd can feel Dirk’s shaky inhale more than he can hear it. He closes his eyes and feels Dirk press a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Yeah,” Dirk whispers. “Yeah, okay. Then let’s... do that. Let’s do that.” 

“Okay,” Todd manages to whisper back. 

They slow dance in silence then, the sound of the record the only noise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not a fic if I haven't written two people tenderly slow dancing in an otherwise empty room on their own against all the strangeness of the world around them, lads.


	19. nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where a declaration is made.

“He must have loved you, that other me,” Dirk murmurs one morning, when the two of them are tangled up in the sheets and unwilling to face the day just yet. 

There’s no way to know that. Both of them know it. It’s one of those baseless conjectures on the other lives they must have lived, ages and ages ago now. They’ve stopped keeping track of the days, but it’s been at least a year since they woke up here. Even if it had been only a couple weeks, there would still be no way to know that it was true. 

“Yeah,“ Todd says. “The other me must have loved you, too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was actually wrong when I said earlier that I only had two scenes that I remembered from my original thinking for this fic: this was one of the few that made it as well.


	20. twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is a summation of time being spent.

They find books in the card catalogs, blank ones for including photos and drawings. They rifle through their sketchbooks and their collections of photos, and they spend time in the lobby with glue sticks, surrounded by their work, as they carefully select the best of the best to put in them. Both books are black. Todd’s photo book contains entirely photos he’s taken of Dirk, and Dirk’s book is entirely full of drawings of Todd. They keep them in their room, next to the radio they never listen to anymore. 

They like to get a walk in of the hotel every morning. They walk arm in arm around, trying to get as full a walk in as they can manage, and because they want to, the loop lets them. They do so mostly quietly. There is never anything new to point out about the hotel, so there is no reason to speak, lapsing instead into a companionable silence. 

They have date nights, sometimes. The loop provides them with clothes that are a little nicer, and they sit in the dining room, eating and chatting and drinking that usually devolves into giggles and teasing and kissing. They sit in silence in their room, listening to their records as Dirk draws and as Todd watches him draw. Sometimes they drag the couch and the desk out into the lobby to pantomime sunlight. 

Mostly, they are with one another, and for the both of them, that is enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all about to change from here on out, lads.


	21. twenty one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there are two visitors.

“I think we should roller skate today,” Dirk announces thoughtfully as they stroll through the hotel, arm in arm. 

Todd groans. “I _always_ fall down for like, the first five or ten minutes of roller skating.” 

“Then I’ll steady you. Besides,” he adds with a grin. “As a very wise man once told me, any excuse to hold your hand.” 

“You can do that right now and I won’t have to trip over my own feet.” 

Dirk puts a hand over Todd’s where it’s resting on Dirk’s arm. “I can both hold your hand _and_ watch you trip-“ 

He stops so abruptly Todd nearly trips, but Dirk keeps him on his feet. “Ow, what’s-“ 

Dirk points a shaky finger ahead of them down the hallway. There’s what looks like a shimmering tear in the air in front of them, gleaming with faint light. 

“Oh. That’s…” Todd doesn’t know what to do. He hasn’t had to think about something changing in their landscape for years. “New.” The tear widens a little, and Todd quickly yanks Dirk back, making sure he’s slightly ahead of Dirk. 

A woman steps out of the tear. She’s got a silver bracelet glowing slightly against her dark skin, a cap on her head and a brown leather jacket shivering slightly from what looks like a little bit of wind fluttering around the tear. She looks a little startled to set foot in the hotel. Todd doesn’t blame her. He remembers how disorienting the hotel was the first time. 

“Yeah, we’re good,” she calls. “You can come out, but be _careful._” 

Another woman steps out, her undercut tugged into a ponytail, wearing a light gray jacket and a similar bracelet on her white wrist. She does a double take just like the other woman had. “Whoa. Retro.” 

Todd jumps slightly at the sound of her voice and feels Dirk do the same. It’s the same voice they used to listen to on the radio every morning, back when they thought there was any point to it. 

Evidently, this whole time, there was. 

The woman with the voice waves her hand. “Hey, dudes.” 

“Hello,” Todd manages. 

“Hi,” Dirk says weakly. 

“You’re… here.” It’s incongruous, looking at the two of them standing here. Two people, standing in their space. 

“Yeah.” 

“Sorry we didn’t get here sooner,” the other woman says. “It took us a while to figure out how to break in.” 

“Yes,” Dirk answers, voice still faint. “I should say it did.” 

The woman with the voice rolls her eyes. “Aw, come on, dudes, it was what, like four days?” 

Dirk squeezes Todd’s hand. Todd feels a little like passing out. 

“Four days?” he asks. 

“Yeah, so, y’know, you’re welcome on the expedited pocket dimension retrieval.” 

“Pocket dimension?” 

“Sorry,” Dirk says, shaking his head. “Four _days?_” 

The other woman is giving the two of them evaluating stares. 

“Was it…” she asks slowly. “_Not_ four days for you?” 

“It’s been, um.” Dirk looks at Todd. “Three years?” 

“Yeah, more or less.” 

“Three _years?_” The woman with the voice demands. 

“Well,” Todd says, feeling a little defensive. “We sort of stopped keeping track. So, y’know, more or less.” 

“Todd, Dirk.” She’s still got that evaluating look on. “Do you know who _we_ are?” 

“Yes, of course,” Dirk says quickly. “You’re just… those two, who we know so well.” Todd gives him a look. “Shut up, I had to try, it would be rude otherwise.” 

“Yeah, the rudeness of the situation is a real concern right now.” 

Dirk narrows his eyes and opens his mouth to say something, but he’s cut off. 

“I’m Farah,” she says. “That’s Amanda. We’re… your friends.” 

“And confused,” Amanda adds. “But yeah. We’ve got to hurry this thing along, we have no idea how long we’ve got.” 

“Got for what?” Todd asks. 

Amanda sighs. “To get you _out._” 

“To… leave?” Dirk looks as winded as Todd feels. They’ve given up on leaving so long ago. The idea is… immense, and terrifying. 

But, Todd thinks at the same time he feels the swoop of fear in his stomach, necessary. 

“Hang on,” he says. “Just give me like, two seconds.” 

He lets go of Dirk and races for one of the doors. He ignores Dirk calling after him and throws it open. Their room is laying behind it, the two books resting next to the radio. He grabs them both and runs back out. 

He thrusts one at Dirk. “So we don’t forget this time.” 

Dirk clutches the book. Then he moves it to under his arm so he can put his hand on the back of Todd’s head and press a kiss to his forehead. Todd closes his eyes, trying to push the uncertainty of the future aside to have this one last moment, where he knows where everything is and what the world is like. 

They pull back from each other and look at Amanda and Farah. 

“Okay,” Dirk says. “Let’s go.” 

Amanda grabs a hold of Todd’s hand. Farah grabs Dirk. 

“Now, I’m gonna yank you like I did that time at the concert when that guy named Bluto tried to knock your block off and we hit the dirt,” she tells Todd. “And no lie, it is probably gonna suck. But you can handle it.” 

“The _what_-“ Todd starts, and then he is pulled backwards sharply, feeling suddenly stretched out and thin, and then, abruptly, somewhere else. 


	22. twenty-two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where memories are gained.

When Todd comes to, he’s sprawled out in the ground, and he feels like he might throw up. 

“Oh god,” he mumbles. “Oh my-“ 

Then comes the splitting headache and the rush of memories, his head suddenly swirling with chaos and pain and the influx of thirty two years of memories trying to fit in with a new three. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Amanda’s kneeling next to him, Amanda, his sister, his little sister, Amanda Brotzman, who he’s known his whole life- “Todd? Todd? Come on, talk to me. What’s going on?” 

“He’s got his whole life’s worth of memories,” another voice he says, one he knows, Ken, Ken’s voice, Ken who is friends with Todd and is friends with Bart who is kind of friends with Dirk who is evidently right here right now- “It’s probably just all crashing down on him at once.” 

“Wait, he lost _all_ his memories_?_” 

“It was always a possibility with this kind of technology.” 

“He’s gettin’ ‘em back, though.” Bart, who is friends with Dirk, oh god, _Dirk-_ “Looks painful for the both of ‘em.” 

Todd tries to open his eyes. They hurt too bad to keep open for too long, but he gets a vague impression of Dirk on the ground with his hands over his ears, curled up in a little ball much like Todd is. “Nyuh.” 

“Just, just breathe, okay, dude? You, uh, you-“ Amanda pats his back awkwardly. “You’re all good, I guess?” 

“Not really,” he manages to mumble. 

“I’m trying to help you, dingus.” 

The headache is lessening. “I’m just saying, wingus-“ 

“Okay, he’s on his way back.” Amanda pats him on the back again. “Dirk? How you doing, buddy?” 

“I’m going to throw up all over you,” Todd hears distantly mumbled. 

“That’s the spirit.” 

“Where’s the guy?” Todd experiments with opening his eyes, but doesn’t uncurl from a ball just yet. 

“What guy?” 

“The, the guy-“ the memories wash over him again. They were hunting down a guy named Sansford. He could vanish and reappear in random places. “Sansford.” 

Amanda grimaces. “What’s a nice way to say _exploded because of Farah and I but by accident?_” 

“_Exploded because of Farah and I but by accident_ works. What did he do to us?”

“He vanished and reappeared by hopping through dimensions, and I guess he had a pocket one on him to vanish to if he needed it, so he shoved you guys into it so he didn’t have to deal with the two of you, and then Farah and I, uh, y’know-“ she mimes exploding something with her hand, pulling a face. “So we couldn’t ask him how to get you out.”

“Thanks for figuring it out anyway.”

“No problem. You wanna try sitting up?” 

“…maybe.” 

Amanda eases him into a sitting position, and Todd can get a better view of where they are. They’re in a side room in the agency. Ken is sitting on the floor with a laptop. Bart’s sitting next to him, fidgeting with a Rubik’s cube for some reason. Amanda’s taking off her bracelet, which on closer inspection looks more like a smartwatch than a bracelet. 

“You get us out?” Todd rasps. 

Ken shrugs. “Wasn’t too complicated.” 

“Thanks.” 

“No problem.” 

“Yeah.” Bart slots another piece of the Rubik’s cube in a different direction. “S’not like we were killing anybody important.” 

Todd takes a chance and looks over at Dirk. He’s pale, but starting to sit up himself, looking exhausted. Todd isn’t surprised. He feels like he’s been hit by a truck himself. They glance at each other. Dirk immediately flushes and looks away. Todd looks down at the ground, feeling his own cheeks heat up. 

Because they hadn’t done… this beforehand, in Todd’s life, this _relationship_ thing. And admittedly, yeah, Todd might have been… trying to work his way towards something like that. But now it’s _different_, now there’s three years where they didn’t know who each other was but also knew each other better than anybody, now there’s two of those years where they were a couple and now all the other memories are paired up with those ones and who knows if Dirk even feels the same way now that they’re not the only two people in the world and god, Todd can’t even _look_ at him. 

“You guys okay?” Farah asks. 

“Yup,” Todd says quickly at the same time Dirk hastily assures “_fantastic_”. 

“Do you guys… want to go home?” 

“Yes,” they say at the same time. 

Stepping outside is a trial Todd hadn’t even expected. The sunlight is bright, and he flinches away from it, shielding his eyes. He sees Dirk do the same, turning away. 

“Okay, we’re gonna drive you, if you can’t even step outside,” Amanda says. “Come on, the car’s over here.” 

Todd realizes that instinctively, he’d flinched into Dirk. He notices this at the same time Dirk seems to notice that he’d gripped Todd’s arm as Todd came up to rest against him. Dirk drops his arm like he was electrocuted and Todd pretends it doesn’t stab him in the heart a little bit, quickly moving to the car that Amanda had gestured to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I don't give any explanation for Bart and Ken being suddenly all cool and good again, but that's because ultimately I couldn't decide if this was AU after season one or if it takes place after season two and Ken has turned to the side of righteousness once more. Consider it a choose your own adventure, I guess.


	23. twenty-three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Todd is alone.

They climb the stairs in their apartment building silently, side by side. Todd’s floor is the one up from Dirk’s, and so they both pause at his stop. They manage to keep their gaze going back from each other and the floor. 

“Right,” Dirk says eventually. “I’ll... see you round, then.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll see you around.” 

Dirk turns to his door and Todd takes the weary march up to his apartment alone. 

His apartment looks just like it did when he was in it a few days ago. It hasn’t changed in years. Todd’s still holding his book that he’d carried out with them. He drops it on the couch, silently changes into pajamas, and crawls into bed. 

When Todd wakes up, he is confused by the texture of his blankets. They’re not quite as fine as he’s used to, not so soft. Then he’s confused that he’s alone. Usually by now, Dirk is either grumbling about having to get up or lightly prodding him to wake up himself, depending on his mood, burrowing in deeper or trying to bribe Todd with a kiss if he’ll get up- 

Then he remembers, and he huddles further into the sheets. 

Eventually, he needs to eat and he needs to pee. He uses the bathroom and stumbles towards his kitchen. It’s a confusing moment. He hasn’t had to make food in three years. He doesn’t know what’s even in his cupboards and fridge. 

He ends up making himself a sandwich and eating it standing up in the kitchen, staring into nothing. He drops his plate on the counter and starts heading back to his bed when he sees the book on the couch. It’s been sort of incidental since they got back, something he’d been holding onto for the sake of holding onto it. Now he stops and picks it up. 

It’s Dirk’s book, as it turns out, the one with all the drawings. The one on the first page is the one of Todd hunched over the backgammon set. The second one is one of him in the mornings. He’s asleep, his hair in his face a little bit. The drawing’s been deliberated over carefully, and Todd wondered if this is what Dirk would do in the mornings sometimes before he woke up. If he would sit there and draw him, just like he used to do pretty much whenever the fancy struck him. He used to draw Todd at the dining room table, when they were in the lobby, when he was taking photos. Each drawing would have the same level of dedication, like it was the only drawing in the world. 

He must have really loved Todd, he thinks, looking at the drawing. 

Todd swallows and goes back to bed. 

The next few days pass much the same way. Todd texts Farah and Amanda to assure them that he’s fine, he’s just taking a little time to adjust. He eats whatever he can find in his kitchen, doesn’t leave his apartment. The idea that there is a world beyond his front door is a terrifying prospect, and he doesn’t want to have to face it until he positively has to. He gets up, he eats, he goes to bed. Sometimes he looks through the book. It’s painful to look at and painful to look away from, all these mementoes from a life lost. He doesn’t know what it says about him, that he misses a place meant to be a prison more than he can stand. 

It’s less that he misses the place, really, than he misses the person. He hasn’t talked to Dirk in three days. He’s laid in bed staring at his phone thinking about it, how easy it would be just to press the button and hear his voice again. But he can’t bring himself to do it. 

He doesn’t know how they come back from this. 

Todd puts his phone in his nightstand drawer and turns over in bed, readjusting the sheet over him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only one chapter left, gang.


	24. twenty-four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Todd makes a phone call.

He needs to do laundry. He’s gonna start running out of underwear. But he can’t leave. He can’t. There could be sunlight out there. There could be so much. There’s a world for the first time in more or less three years, and he can’t _handle_ that. 

He paces around a lot. Feels like he’s gonna wear a hole in the floorboards, and then he’ll fall through to the outside. That makes him even more anxious. 

Eventually, Todd caves to the urge that’s been getting increasingly loud in his brain. He fumbles for his cell phone and scrolls through recent calls. There’s a lot from Amanda and Farah (understandably) and eventually he gets to the one he needs. He paces even faster while the phone rings. 

“...hello?” Dirk sounds a little wary when he picks up. Todd’s not surprised. He would have the same tone if things were reversed. 

“I can’t do my laundry.” The words come out in a rush, one right on the heels of the next. 

“What?” 

“I can’t do my laundry, because I can’t leave my apartment, because there’s an entire _world_ out there, and I don’t know how to handle it, I don’t know how to go outside and be a person, because there never was an outside before, and Jesus, Dirk, I don’t know what to _do._” 

“Okay. Okay. I’ve been having… similar issues, it’s okay. We’ll just… figure it out.” 

“Do you…” Todd takes a deep breath. “Do you want to go… down to the basement and do the laundry… together?” 

Dirk’s silent long enough that Todd is about to panic and tell him not to worry about it when he speaks. “Yes. We should… do that. I’ll, um. I’ll meet you in front of your door in five?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. I’ll be ready.” 

Todd collects his laundry and puts them into one of his baskets. When the tentative knock comes at his door, he’s prepared. 

They sit on top of the washers and dryers in silence. They’re still not quite able to look at each other full on, but when Todd catches a glance of Dirk, he looks exhausted, five o clock shadow on his face and his hair unkempt. Todd can’t imagine he looks much better, but can’t deny that how even though it’s awkward, it’s still better being here with Dirk than it is being up in his apartment alone. 

When they’re done they load up their laundry into their separate baskets and start heading up the stairs again. They stop at Todd’s door. 

“Well,” Dirk says. “Um. Thank you. For calling me, I mean. It was good to have… motivation. To do this.” 

Todd just nods, feeling like there’s a lump in his throat. Dirk turns away, hefting his laundry basket. 

“Wait,” Todd blurts, putting his down. Dirk turns back, looking a little startled. “Just… wait, okay?” 

Dirk puts his laundry basket down. “Okay.” 

“Look, I…” he runs a hand through his hair. “I know this is weird, okay? It’s weird and it’s hard and we don’t… we don’t know how to be people right now. How to deal with sunlight, or, or, or the fact that the world is bigger than we’re used to. Right?” 

Dirk nods slowly. 

“And I know it’s weird because… of us. Because of what this means for the two of us now, after then. But I, I just…” he takes a deep breath. “It’s not new, you know? Those feelings. For me, I mean. They didn’t just… just happen because of where we were.” Dirk looks startled. Todd just keeps pushing on through, because now he’s started and he can’t not finish. “I maybe wasn’t… as far along, as I ended up being, but it was there, all right? And I know it’s weird, and I know it’s probably gonna fuck us up for a little while, because of everything, but I would rather…. be fucked up with you, then fucked up on my own. I don’t think it was just because we were the only two people there and we needed something to hold onto. I think it was real. And if you don’t feel the same, that’s okay, all right, I don’t want you to try this because of, of obligation, or anything like that, if you don’t want this, then I don’t want you to force it, but if you _do_, I want to try, okay? I just… I want to try.” 

Dirk just keeps staring at him, and Todd flashes, suddenly, to a couple years back, when Dirk had asked him to make this easy for him, and how he knows _exactly_ what he meant now, exactly how that felt- 

Dirk strides forwards and kisses him, his hands on either side of his face. Todd reaches up to grip Dirk’s shirt, feeling overwhelmed with relief, before he puts his hand on his neck. 

When Dirk pulls back, he pulls Todd a little closer. 

“Okay,” he whispers. “Okay, let's try.” 

Todd wraps his arms around his neck and Dirk wraps his arms around his waist. “I missed you a lot,” he murmurs. 

“Yeah. I missed you, too.” Dirk gives him a shaky grin. “I have your book, by the way.” 

Todd gives him a trembling smile back. “I have yours.” 

“I felt the same way, too. Before we ended up there.” 

“I know.” And Todd does, after all this. He knows it in retrospect, and he knows it right now, and it makes the pain of having to readjust back to regular life ease just a little more. “We’re gonna be all right.” 

“I know,” Dirk says before he buries his face in Todd’s neck, the two of them now properly embracing. “Hunch." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are!
> 
> I know the ending is a little more open ended than most of the fics I've written and maybe a little bittersweet. I knew the minute I started this fic, though, that this wasn't going to have an ending all wrapped up in a little bow. This is actually one of the first scenes I came up with for this fic when I started it last year.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's been following this fic. It's brought me so much joy to see all your comments, and I'm so pleased you've liked it enough to follow it all the way from October. I hope you all like the ending!
> 
> [Every once in a while one of my fics gets a bunch of comments in a cluster from different users, and I’m pretty sure at this point it’s because it’s been recced. Which is exciting! But I’d love to see it when it happens, so here’s a link to my tumblr! Feel free to tag me!](https://cosmicoceanfic.tumblr.com/)


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